


A Thousand Times

by LinkInThePark



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel centric, Enemies to Lovers, Episode Related, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger - The Crypt Scene, Love Poem, M/M, Prose Poem, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinkInThePark/pseuds/LinkInThePark
Summary: "A thousand times Castiel had killed Dean Winchester." - a poem/re-telling of s08e17 "Goodbye Stranger". [Destiel]





	A Thousand Times

**Author's Note:**

> This poem is about s08e17- Naomi brain-washing Cas and the fight between him and Dean. [[Soundtrack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6V_a1-EUA)]  
> Enjoy ;)  
>   
> I'm also on [Tumblr](https://saminzat.tumblr.com/)!

**A Thousand Times**

 

A thousand times Castiel had killed Dean Winchester

A thousand times the hunter had begged for mercy

His voice, once so steady

Now shaking with betrayal and fear

  

_“Cas, please, no!”_

 

A thousand times Dean had tried to reach out to him

And a thousand times Castiel had taken his arm

Mercilessly

Snapping and twisting it

Until the hunter was screaming in pain and agony

 

A thousand times Castiel had hunted down the other man

As if he was nothing more than prey

His movements quick and brutal

Without any hint of hesitation

When he stabbed him

Again, and again, and again

Sinking the metal of his blade deeply into the warmth of human flesh

His mind growing number

With each time the blood soiled his hands

His clothes

His grace

Until there was nothing else left

Than a cold, blank space

Where once had been Castiel’s heart

 

_“I fixed you, Castiel.”_

 

Castiel had not been aware

That he was broken in the first place

After all, he was still an angel

Wasn’t he?

Somehow he began to lose sense

Of what was true and what was not

After Naomi got a hold of him

She forged and she pounded

And she shaped him into a perfect soldier of Heaven

A guardian of their species’ well-being

Responsible for raising hell upon their enemies

 

But maybe

Deep down

If Naomi had only looked closely enough

She would have discovered the truth

A truth that was embedded so deeply into the core of Castiel’s soul

That it became very much immovable, unbreakable

No matter how much effort you put into removing it

A truth that was now buried

Under the weight of a thousand dead bodies

But still there

The truth

That Dean Winchester was not Castiel’s enemy

 

_“How’d you get out of Purgatory, Cas?”_

 

Standing in front of Dean – again

Wasn’t what Castiel had anticipated

No, not again

This Dean was different

Because no matter how many _clones_ Castiel had fought before

They were nothing like him

This Dean was real, so real

That a sudden ache spread through the angel’s chest

His balance shifting for a moment

The confidence in his next step missing

 

_“Be honest with me.”_

 

A liar?

Was this what Dean thought of him?

Something tugged at the verge of his consciousness

Something about a truth – if only he could remember…

 

_“I won’t hurt Dean.”_

_“Yes, you will. You **are**.”_

 

Suddenly everything seemed to crush down on him

He _knew_

Something wasn’t right

Conflicting pictures flashed before his eyes

He couldn’t tell, which were his own memories

And which were distorted abominations

That had been implanted into his mind

To make him obedient

 

_“Cas.”_

 

When his vessel started moving on its own

He wasn’t able to stop it

Slowly

He reached for the hilt of his blade

 

_“Cas, fight this, this is not you!”_

 

A thousand times Castiel had killed Dean Winchester

But never, _never_

Had it felt like

A bolt of lightning

Was striking his inmost being with every blow

And thunder

Was rattling at the walls inside him

Tearing them down

Until they no longer kept their hidden truth from him

The only truth

That mattered in the end

 

_“Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you – **I need you**.”_

 

There it was again

All the blood

Soiling his hands

His clothes

His grace

Though now there was still a shimmer of green

Almost as bright as the light

Reflected by the upraised blade in his hand

 

_“You have to choose, Castiel. Us, or them.”_

 

With a clattering noise

The blade fell to the ground

 

A thousand times Castiel had killed Dean Winchester.

But one time, he didn’t.

 

*


End file.
